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Monday, 17 December 2012

#50: Puntastic Pete and the Rising Dough

Sechelt seashells on the sea shore were a prized find, you see. Of that I’m sure. Mr. Shaw said so. And he was usually right.

Mr. Shaw was in awe of Mr. Wright, who liked to write. And create. Create art. All day, every day. If he could. It was like a rite of passage. He felt.

Sometimes he used felt in his art. To create tapestry or collages or rustic reflections. His creations were a much sought-after commodity. And celebrated by his adoring wife Flo.

Some days Mr. Wright struggled to find his flow, though. Felt it was more art with a capital F. Other days, with the wind at his back, he breezed through a session, creating ‘music’ to watch the girls go by.

By and large, Mr. Large – Eddie, one half of the '80's British comedy double act, Little & Large – was enjoying his retirement on BC’s Sunshine Coast. He had an array of activities to keep him busy; when he wasn’t doting on wife Eileen.

I lean towards the theory that a Ray I once knew found the key to success in life: peat. And soil generally. Halfmoon-based Ray relayed a story about how a judge he once knew – Pete Judge – buried a few bob in a sea of peat.

Two years later Pete’s friend Doug dug up the peat and discovered the few bob had grown into a small fortune. They both decided to go on a trip with their American friend Trip. But Pete felt the idea was flawed. Still floored by the idea of sprouting money at will.

So he cancelled and confessed all to Will Dynamite, Chief of Police for the SCPD (Sunshine Coast Police Department). Will said it sounded suspicious, like notorious Coast thief Nick Knack was involved. But he kept his cool. His reputation for having a short fuse and blowing up at the tiniest provocation preceeded him.

Nick had a knack for getting away with armed robberies, and burying his loot in a sea of peat.

“So are you going to nick Knack for this?” asked Pete. “I know Nick has a knack for getting away with this kind of caper.”

“We’ll do our best,” said Will. “But first I need to phone Phil to fill in the hole… in this story. We need the whole truth. We’re like the Whole Truth Bread Company. Except they knead the Whole Truth. Get it? I’m not sure where I’m going with this...”

To read the rest of this column, check out BC Johnny's upcoming book: Chilled Almonds.

1 comment:

Nancy T said...

The writer of this definitely has one of those RainMan-like "genius-autistic" disorders in the "punny" area of his brain!